27/05/2026
Parents shape how kids see themselves and the world, so some phrases do more harm than good even when said in frustration. Here’s what’s usually best to avoid:
1. Attacks on their worth or identity
- "You’re stupid/useless/worthless"
- "I wish you were never born"
- "Why can’t you be more like your brother/sister?"
These get internalized as core beliefs about self-worth. They’re hard to unlearn later.
2. Dismissing their emotions
- "Stop crying, it’s nothing"
- "You’re overreacting"
- "Big kids don’t feel that way"
Kids learn to suppress feelings and stop coming to you when they’re upset. It’s better to name the feeling: "I see you’re upset".
3. Using love as a threat
- "If you do that, I won’t love you anymore"
- "Mommy/Daddy will leave you if you’re bad"
This creates anxious attachment. Kids need to know your love isn’t conditional on behavior.
4. Burdening them with adult problems
- "Your dad and I are divorcing because of you"
- "We’re broke because you cost too much"
- "I’m miserable but I stayed for you"
Kids can’t process adult responsibility and it creates guilt and anxiety.
*5. Making absolute, damaging predictions*
- "You’ll never amount to anything"
- "You’ll end up in jail"
Self-fulfilling prophecies are real. Kids often live up or down to what adults expect.
6. Lying to avoid discomfort
- "The doctor won’t give you a shot" when they will
- "Daddy’s at work" when you’re avoiding conflict
Trust erodes fast. It’s better to say "This will hurt a bit, but it’ll be quick".
7. Comparing them publicly
- Criticizing or mocking them in front of others, even as a "joke"
It humiliates and teaches them their value depends on performance in front of others.
What works better: Be direct about behavior, not character. "That choice was unsafe" vs "You’re bad". Acknowledge feelings, set clear boundaries, and explain why.
What age is your child? Advice shifts a bit depending on whether they’re 4 vs 14