The Mindful Medium

28/08/2026

You should have turned 36 today , I should be texting you saying

" happy birthday Bruvaaa....you will be 40 soon!! Luv ya....I'll pop over soon...p.s. reply to my fu***ng txt"

But I don't get to...and that's just simply sad

You were always my wee side kick growing up, never that annoying brother, just always quiet, calm and loving, a wee brother who just wanted to learn and be involved.

I don't know why I write it here as if talking to you, but then again, as I write that I know it's because I hope there will be even just 1 person who understands such a loss and gets comfort in some way as they read and connect, knowing they aren't alone and they can still learn to love life whilst carrying immense pain in their heart.

Losing you was a pain I never experienced before, an experience I genuinely so naively sailed through life thinking I'd never go through.

Ignorance is bliss they say...the harsh reality of grief smacked my ignorant ass right back into it's place

I was missing the whole damn point.

Losing you taught me just how deeply grateful we should be, how precious each day is,each connection.

Each breath.

The loss of you cracked my heart open in ways that are almost too much to handle.

But I feel the silent invisible embrace of your essence help me carry that. You always did have my back.

"Balaclava and bat...just say the word" 🤣

You didn't get to slag me for turning 40, or slag my 7 seater maw mobile, you haven't met the man I love, or the daughter we had.

How I'd love to see you hold her and fall in love with her.

Winter. You would have loved her name.

She's magnetic.

Travis misses you everyday too.

This grief isn't my identity, but it's something now within me that will never leave.

I think the grief is the gift, for the love and life once physically lived.

2yrs ago today I was at pi**ed off walking into the hospital and seeing birthday banners on your bed...I couldn't understand it amongst my emotions

Just so sad you aren't here getting older.

Sibling loss is brutally painful, and has undoubtedly stripped me back in ways I could never have imagined!

Luv ya Bruv. Forever young 🤍

25/08/2026

All because I got a new phone 🙃😂🔮🙏🏻

24/08/2026

Hello from my wee overwhelming bubble…

21/08/2026

You’ve lost the spark inside your eyes
The wonder that mirrored the open skies.

Pause for a moment and ask yourself why
Then open your heart and dare to try.

Find the old magic, the hope, and the joy
That echoed inside you as a free girl or boy.
It hasn’t gone far, it’s not out of sight,
Just look to the stars in the quiet of night.

Feel the soft pulse beating in your wrist?
A beautiful sign that you still exist.

You are a masterpiece, a true work of art,

Push yourself, go claim the spark hidden deep in your heart

What a beautiful thing, anytime a new life begins ✨

17/08/2026

This photo was taken within hours of a phone call that changed our life forever. Waiting to watch OCS easily for the 28th time or more…then on the way home we got the call “Jonathan’s been in an accident” 2 weeks and 1 day later the life support machines were switched off with us all around him. Watching as his heart and lungs stopped.

I don’t tend to hold on to the dates, no day that goes by has any less of a pain in my heart when it comes to the loss of our younger brother, and so I wasn’t even aware that this date was approaching.

I’ve had an absolute fu**er of a time lately, with a partner who works away, breastfeeding on demand still with a 9 month baby, whilst also mum to an 11yr old with commitments too, starting high school which is a huge transition time in his life.
My Nana was ill on and off the majority of this year, and these last few months it sadly led to the end of life. I’m grieving once more. Amongst this I had very limited childcare if any meaning I had to let down a lot of clients.

I chose to prepare the eulogy and lead my Nanas funeral service on Friday, which was in the same crematorium as my brothers. I’m so proud of me for that.

That very night I then slid down my stairs and broke my foot 😅

Things have just gone wrong, fire alarms, tripping up, dropping and spilling things (phone in bath tonight)….Winter is teething so has been extra needy, not sleeping at all unless attached to me.

I’m here this evening with Wedding scripts to write, invoices to send and will be making a start on another eulogy for next week. Winter is crying constantly and so I simply cannot get the space to do this work.

I’m overwhelmed…but here’s the thing. This isn’t a complaint it’s a realisation.

I’m so grateful, for my meditation practice, for my growth, for this being the overwhelm over that night, these things are trivial.

My foot will heal, I cleaned up the mess, I’ll get the work done, Winter will settle.

once again I find gratitude and love amongst pain.

An old version who craved to be rescued is in there screaming. The new one sees her, and holds her hand…this too shall pass 💜

07/08/2026

My bro…a legend 💜

This week we as a family experienced another loss with my wee Nana Mo crossing over and leaving this physical world.

Despite living a long life, exactly 50years more than my brother had, it’s still of course a pain in our hearts.

It’s also hard whilst navigating this not to reflect on what the last almost 2yrs has taught the me…here’s a fun wee snippet of just some things I do in his honor 🫶🏻

Wee Nana Mo’s fave colour was yellow….i can work with that 😇💜🫶🏻

02/08/2026

26/07/2026

#1111