01/08/2024
Topic: I'm person with Bipolar Disorder ( Diagnosed in 2008 ). I'll share my ups and down.
My name is Alamgir Khan
I'll start with the most recent tradegy.
This is a very long post in which I have shared my personal experience of using WHEY Protein ( Concentrated ) as a person with bipolar disorder ( diagnosed in 2008 and and still fighting it because you can't cure bipolar, you can only control it ) .
It took me two consecutive hours to write it, so if you are expecting a short story then I'm really sorry because you have to know a complete story from beginning so that you can really understand the value of mental health and side effects of so called safe to use SUPPLEMENTS.
If you are not taking WHEY protein but still having mental health issues then this story is for you, my collegues.
I just saw a death from very near and trust me, It's hell scary.
Reason of that scary moment is " A person with Bipolar Disorder taking Whey Protein mixed in Milk without a proper research "
I will start with sharing my personal experience of using Whey protein for just 3 days.
My humble request to all my friends please never ever try to take WHEY Protein, not even a half scoop, If you have any mental health issues i.e depression, anxiety, Ptsd or bipolar disorder.
Last thursday, 18 July 2024, I had my first scoop of Whey protein concentrated mixed with milk at Gold Gym Jinnah town's canteen. There was no light in gym so the boy in canteen gave it to me without blending it. I just shaked it well through shaker but still it was too heavy. After consuming it , I felt very strong and feeling of constipation started.
I usually take qusel 25 mg and 100 lamnet at 11 pm these days. So within 30-45 min of taking medicine I mostly sleep. But that night I slept at 3 am and my eyes opened at 5 am without alarm. Alarm timing was 5:15. So having bipolar since 2008 i have faced these issues a lot i.e two hours sleep and still facing fresh. So i didn't took it seriously and after offering prayer, went for a walk, had my breakfast. It was friday so went to office.
Things got serious when I realised my constipation is increasing. It was friday, gym was off.
As I was facing sleep issue so thats why I have increased my dosage of qusel from 25 mg to 50mg. But again just 3 hours of sleep on friday night. I still had hope that it's not a bipolar episode. It's just a temporary minor mood swing.
So I have one of the best psychatrist in my contact list and we have family terms too with him. Dr suggested that change qusel from 50 mg to 100 mg for two weeks. If sleeps get better than 50 mg and then 25mg.
So I took 100 mg qusel and 100 mg lamnet at 12:30 am. The good thing was that, it made me hell sleepy within 5 min and I slept around 1 am and but my eyes got open again on 5 am without alarm. Now i was worried. So after offering fajr. I went for walk. Had breakfast.
Now its sunday morning and Im having extreme constipation, Extreme Insomnia and headache too.
So i took isphagol husk and 2 litre water. It made me sleepy and felt little better. Slept at 10 am and my eyes got open around 11:30 am. Finally I got rid of that constipation and felt way better with no headache at all.
Moving forward, I have decided that this time i will buy one scoop of Whey Protein and will mix it water not milk because milk always give me constipation. After gym I took One Scoop of Whey protein in empty bottle with me. So I have mixed it in water and blend it very well at home because again there was no light at gym and I didn't want to drink it without blending it. I had no constipation this time and felt way energetic.
Now I will share how I had my worst night of my life due to Whey Protein Mixed with Milk.
Yesterday, 23 july. I went to gym around 5:30 pm and asked the canteen boy to make 1 scoop of WHEY protein and mixed it WATER not MILK. He said Ok. As WHEY protein is used after workout. After completing my exercise. I asked him to give my protein from a freezer. I have noticed one thing, it's mixed in MILK not WATER.
So I got pi**ed off that I have told you WATER not MILK not once but thrice. Milk has very negative impact on me and always give me constipation. But like typical man in Quetta , Dodh mai bht takat hai, zaika b ahega, kuch nai hota.
Now ALLAH paak knows, whether he intentially used milk to increase it's rate from 280 to 380 or he didn't hear me properly due to noise at gym.
So I knew, I can't exchange this WHEY protein as no one in our gym was using protein from this canteen. They have their own supplements with them in locker. I had no locker so thats why I had to use this WHEY protein. So after drinking it, the real game began.
Within 30 min I had feeling of anxiety, constipation, confusion. I always pray my isha prayer at Masjid. But yesterday night was different. I had my dinner and thought food and consuming a lot of water will make things better but it got more serious. I had very stronge urge of consuming sweet item, So i went for snicker choclate.
After consuming it, my anxiety went to extreme point. I was feeling sleepy but couldn't sleep. Trust me I was crying loudly infront of my kids and wife like a 1 year baby. As I have very supportive partner so she tried her best to make me feel relax, its ok, its not ur first time, u can do it, its just constipation and insomnia.
But I kept crying and blaming myself for my inconsistent career. I was hell worried about my wife and my 2 daughter future. I was feeling guilty that why I'm energetic at morning and post everything on FB, Tiktok and then delete that post at night.
My heartbeat got faster, I felt my end is near. But my wife kept requesting me just get rid of constipation right now and take your 100 mg qusel and 100 lamnet.
So I started walking around the room for 30 mins, used my girl suppostries as adult ones were not available at home that time. then took my medicines around 12:30 am.
Guess what, after trying to sleep and hide myself in a blanket for one hour, was not even using a phone or tought about it as it matter of life and death now.
Things got more complicated. Now I was talking add crying both at same time. Had extreme suicidal thought. I would have committed su***de yesterday night, if my parents, brothers, sisters and wife was not supportive. They loved me like a 1 year baby. They never ever scolded me entire in my life. So i kept saying to myself, come on , I'm fighter, I cannot choose this way to end my life. It's Haraam. I'm not a loser, I'm fighter. A person with a title of Sher Balochistan , on all of his social media platforms i.e Tiktok, Mico, snapchat & instagram can't die like this.
Mujhe mere parents, family, wife, daughters ko itny paisy k**a k deny hai k jitna kharcha unho ne 32 saal se mujh pe kia hai. I want them to feel proud of my achievements.
So after getting rid of suicidal thoughts, my inconsistent career came in my mind. I'm Electrical Engineer passed out in 2016. I have started my career with a small startup with zero investment and turning it to mature business although I'm Electrical Engineer which is not even close the field I have choosed for myself.
Then one year later I founded another E-commerce startup of Studds Helmets and Gear 2 Go with the brand name of AK Daa Biker.
My target market was quetta only. As very few people had knowledge about Studds helmet and no one was selling it in Quetta. It took only month to sell my 24 helmets and protective gear.
Money excites everyone but activates hypomania in person with bipolar disorder. My hypomania started, Had very happy and enegetic days.
Now every up, has a down. So my depression episode started. Stayed in depression, never responded to any customer of Handicrafts Valley or AK Daa Biker customers. So a guy with two succesful startup is again on zero.
My family knew I'm in depression. As one of my brother is Doctor, so he always understand my condition better than me.
After 4 months of depression phase, My life changes due to my visit of Holy places like Makkah and Medina. It gave me power, hope, spiritual power.( 18 April to 2 may). Jamil kakar sponsored my tour Me, Parents and my sister were with me during umrah mubarak.
Makkah Mukarammah was like my high phase. Jalali place hai . Medina was like my down phase i.e peace and sleepy
When I came back I had post Umrah Depression which i recovered through lack of use mobile and pubg.
After 4 month of my down phase i cam back more stronger than ever as Dr Israr (RA) said Bipolar is qabz and passtt.. After every episode ALLAH PAK gives u more power, fame, money because mera taujud, 5 prayers, azkaar.
One of my elder brother made me manager in his beautiful cafe i.e Tea Terrace at Askari Park. Had a great one year as a manager then I got bore. I wanted to do something more creative or anything which I own like handicrafts vally or Ak Daa Biker. So i left that job and again depressive episode.
Then founded another startup in my stable days i.e The JK Company. Real estate was very down after corona so that's why it didn't went good too.
Now coming back to last night situation. Due to this unstable career I was damn guilty, I was worried about my future. I can't run a company after earning alot, I cant do job as Im an Entreprener type person.
And then, I recalled my ALLAH and left everything on ALLAH . I'll not do su***de but if it's my end in my destiny tonight, let it be. I will be accepting everything with pride now.
Once you bow down to ALLAH ALMIGHTY with open mind and clean heart , you become more powerful and peaceful.
Finally, the happiest part of this story arrived after seeing my scary end from very near.
I didn't even know when I have slept. As my eyes got open due to p*e urgency at 6 am.
I felt like a new born baby. Tears of joy busted out of my eyes. I'm Alive, I'm feeling good with no anxiety, no confusion, no depression.
Huh, I can't describe that happiest moment in words.
So after that, I looked around my bed. My partner and daughters were sleeping peacefully. Dil ko or tasali meli.
After wadu and offering Qaza Namaz. I couldn't control my emotions and cried as hard as I can on prayer mat, but cried silently because it's my personal matter between me and ALLAH ALMIGHTY. I showed my gratitude to ALLAH. My emaan got more powerfull, strong, more peaceful and became more brave.
I couldn't resist to share this moment with only love of my life i.e my wife. I told her that I'm alive, it's miracle, I was out of my words due to extreme happiness. Whenever a person with bipolar disorder is extreme happy, or in hypomania, they speak very fluently and fast, they love to talk, they will no listen to you. Same happened.
I asked her how and when I slept ? Because last thing that I remember , I was doing walk near bed to get rid of that gas in my stomach and didn't know what happened next. She told me that you suddenly fell on bed and slept. I kept checking ur breath and make it sure you are still alive till my own eyes closed.
This made me very emotional and I'm proud of myself for choosing right person as my life partner.
Hugh I've never posted anything that long in my whole life but it was neccessary.
I can't hide that I'm person with Bipolar Disorder anymore.
I'm tired of that people kept judging me as a egoist, short tempered, jolly or strange character. I'm tired of people asking me "Why are you leaving every successful startup?
I'm tired of that PAGAL, LEWANAYE , MAD tag on me.
I'm who I am. I will die proudly as Muslim and braveheart but will never die like a cheap loser by commiting su***de.
I will fall, I will rise, I will fall again, I will rise again, I will cry, I will laugh out hard ,I will face anxiety, I will face mood swings, I will face happy & energetic days of hypomania. But I'll never ever say "WHY Me ? "
I will always say " Try me again and I'm ready for harder challenge "
Last but not least. People with mental health issues are always creative. So if you learn to use that creativity in a positive way during stable and hypomania days. And accept depression too, rest more. Refeuled your energy.
Then no one can stop you. The world is yours ...
Try to share it with your love ones who are facing mental health issues or they are taking supplements for body building.
I'm leaving social media till I feel 101% stable. Till then remember me in your prayers.
ALLAH HAFIZ
🤲❤️🤲
