30/09/2022
In an ideal world, all people understand that good must be repaid with good, and they do it. For example, a mother carefully takes a child to classes that are interesting to him, and in return receives words of gratitude and pride. But the opposite also happens. "I didn't ask you!" (give me to gymnastics, feed me pies, buy a bicycle) - she can hear instead of gratitude. In return for her merits, mother also wanted to receive attention and care, and therefore did good where it was superfluous.
Due to negative experiences, a person in a reflective position experiences resentment and a feeling of exhaustion. What could be worse than trying for someone else, wasting time and money, waiting for a response and getting nothing as a result?
But few people, analyzing the experience gained, notice: it turns out that his efforts were not appreciated, because no one asked for them. After all, it is you who want to receive theater tickets for his birthday - and your partner prefers new pans, that you want praise and attention, but he needs personal space.
At the everyday level, proflection resembles a market contract: you - to me, and I - to you. But if there are established rules and obligations between the seller and the buyer, then such agreements are rarely concluded in personal relationships. A proflexing person does not verbalize conditions that could be insurance against resentment.
On a subconscious level, a person may have an attitude that he is not worthy of getting what he wants, but someone else may well claim it. People with a high degree of proflexion can have many friends, they like to turn to them for advice and help, which they will always provide . But when all the energy is spent on others, there is nothing left for yourself.
It is important to begin to regain self-worth and allow not only to want, but also to receive. Start to be more interested in yourself than in others. Listen to the advice that you give: maybe you should give them to yourself?
1. Recognize the need
It is necessary to understand what you want for a partner or another loved one, and assign this desire to yourself. This is already a big step, which will take time to implement. Pay attention to your own feelings when, for example, you cook dinner for your partner over and over again in the evening, but at the same time feel resentment when he does nothing of the sort for you.
2. Start meeting that need in a more direct way
It is important to see what attitudes lie behind the fear of an open request. Maybe you remember family messages or communication patterns learned in previous relationships.
3. Master the Direct Way to State Your Needs
After all, your partner or friend is not required to speak this Aesopian language and most likely does not even know the rules of the game.
