08/04/2023
Life these days looks a little different…
5 years ago I thought I was well on my way to being in the highest corporate career opportunity yet, jet setting all over the World with no sight of slowing down.
Then I became a mom.
As maternity leave drew to a close and I returned to work, the thought of leaving my baby girl I had prayed so hard for, after losing 2 babies prior, I just couldn’t deal. The thought that God blessed me with her and here I was dropping her off at someone else’s home 5 days a week wrecked my heart.
We did the math and just couldn’t swing me leaving my job. Until I had no choice when we found out 2 months after returning to work that I was pregnant again. EM was only 5 months old- we were in complete shock. Excited but shocked. How on Earth was all of this going to work? Then at 10 weeks pregnant, while I was driving home after work to pick Em up from the sitter, I felt this stabbing pain in my right side and started bleeding. I had an ectopic pregnancy. I spent the next week in and out of the hospital while my amazing OB team worked to save only o***y and fallopian tube. They did it!
The next week when I was supposed to start back at work, still stricken with grief, I fell to my knees in the bedroom and prayed and cried asking God what I was supposed to do, I remember screaming, “why would you take another baby from me? What do you want from me?” I had cried myself to sleep when I heard His voice come over me and say “Trust”. I was mad.
Trusting what you cannot see is hard. I struggle everyday. Thinking you have control over everything is a cute thought but not realistic. My life has been full of what a lot of people would call set backs but I’m here to say it was God reminding me to Trust.
I quit my job with no financial plan but I had food shelter and a whole lot to offer. I started my business with no immediate clients but I was determined. I was considered unable to carry another baby but we now have 2 amazing children.
Life is tough and it sure looks different these days, but I am here for all of it, even the not so shiny parts. There will always be a glimmer, you just have to Look harder and Trust❤️