04/06/2021
It's been 8 weeks since our accident. Here's 8 takeaways I have so far through this trial.
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1. When control is taken away, you realize just how little you have of it. We were at a complete stop behind a tow truck, and we’re lucky to be alive. Even when I thought I was “in control”, I’m not over anyone else or really anything. Control is a mirage. ⠀
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2. Inner healing is about process. There is no recipe nor formula. Outcomes are hard to measure and actually healing is so much easier when outcomes are not the focus. Learning to live in this daily. ⠀
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3. The present just hits me different these days. I find myself just looking at or holding my wife and enjoying that so much more than I ever have. Life just seems on pause. Everything “else” seems unimportant (maybe bc it is).⠀
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4. It’s easy to spiral into a mental and emotional breakdown. I’ve had many in these 8 weeks. What keeps it from happening = communicating right away. “I’m having flashbacks” or “I feel down” or “I’m fearful of ___”. My wife and I play ping pong with these emotions all the time. ⠀
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5. Both sides of the coin, feel right. Because of the trauma, I want to live the safest life possible to ensure I never experience pain like this again. Because of the trauma, I know life is short/fragile so I want to go after our dreams harder than ever before. Plus, what is death when it’s already been defeated?⠀
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6. Victims serve only one thing: themselves. It’s easy to let myself fall into this trap of being a victim and the times when I have, I’ve noticed I can’t possibly love my wife or even notice others because I’m only thinking about myself. ⠀
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7. Suffering is human. I have more empathy now. I get you. I get what you’re going through. Maybe not everything, but I’ve been there. ⠀
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8. Limitation sucks. This has been one of my biggest challenges. I hate the feeling of I can’t do what I want, when I want. I think it reflects garden realities. Before sin, we were created to rule and subdue the earth. But my limitation here now reflects a future glory that will one day not be.