Beingjennrae (2026)

05/12/2021

I Remember Who I Am⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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I accept that I am Love.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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I release all judgments⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
of others and know⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
that they are doing ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
the best they can.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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I keep my life simple and ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
follow my highest path.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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I stay in tune with the⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Highest Source within me⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
and let It guide my ways.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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I am gentle and kind with⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
myself and others.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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I pace myself with⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
one step at a time.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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I know the perfect⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
circumstances present ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
themselves for my perfect⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
continued growth.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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I am Love,⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
I am Joy,⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
I am Peace. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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04/08/2021

Having really weird experiences the last few weeks. I had actually forgotten about them until it started again just now and I went, "Oh, it's happening again!" and I remembered how it has happened a few times before, just in the last few weeks. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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So, buckle up, this is weird and perhaps a little 'woo-woo'. When my mind is relaxed and I'm doing something mindless like playing a game on my phone I will start to think and/or sing or chant in a foreign language. So far I have noticed myself sing, think, chant in what I think is some form of Native American, a form of what I think is an east Asian country like India's language and in Spanish, like from Spain not Latin America. I have no idea how I can be so specific on any of the details other than to say it 'feels' like that. But, I don't speak any language other than English. I barely remember any of the high school French I took for 2 years or Greek I learned while working in a Greek restaurant back in the day. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Another weird thing is that when I recognize it's happening and I try to focus on it, like I want to pay attention to what is being said or the beat or any of the specifics about it, it will start to fade away. It's like I can only *have* it by releasing my hold over it. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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I feel so strange about this -- like an alien or something and yet I know deep down -- this is special; this is something. I hope it continues. I hope I am allowed to focus on it and perhaps share it with others. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Has anything like this happened to you or anyone you know? Or am I alone in this?? Either way is OK. I'm just wondering.

04/08/2021

I'm in a bit of an energy funk these last few days and I can find no cause for it. I am trying not to lament this low energy because deep down I know this is temporary but it is a challenge not to feel sorry for oneself. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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This month my Teacher has set a challenge that for 30 days we "teach only love". We are to dedicate and commit each moment of each day to teaching only Love. He encourages us to see how much joy we can experience by being the lover of all Life. I want to do this. I know I can. I just feel so blah. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Last night I was having difficulty falling asleep and I was lamenting how I just don't feel like I have love to give. And that's when it occurred to me -- I can not give what I do not have, therefore I must first give myself Love. So I got comfortable and I imagined all my chakra's aligned and I opened them all. Then I took in a deep breath and with that breath I visualized love entering my body starting at the top of my head. At the end of that first breath I felt love fill me from the top of my head to about the middle of my chest. Another breath, I go deeper this time, pushing the breath of Love further into my body. Release. Once again, I take another deep breath and feel the loving energy flowing ever deeper into my body. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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I didn't do that exercise very long before I fell asleep. I had another night of wild and exciting dreams that I don't remember the details of (which is frustrating) only the broad brush strokes. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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I woke this morning feeling blah again. I wish I knew what was causing this so I could just deal with it and move on but it's just not clear that there is a *thing* to be dealt with. It feels like this is happening to me and not for me. I may not find out until I have hindsight to help me see this properly. In the meantime I will continue to do the work of giving love to myself first. Perhaps, that is the lesson right there.

15/07/2021

It’s funny how it seems like the Universe is conspiring to give you exactly what you need just when you need it. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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An opportunity to learn something new came into my life unexpectedly a couple of days ago. This has been an interest of mine for over 30 years, but I have always felt something holding me back from taking the step forward, to say ‘yes’ to this opportunity. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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When this chance popped up on my computer screen, offering me a new teacher and a new way to learn I was intrigued. I wondered if now was the time and yet I was reminded of that old fear. That fear held me back again. But I didn’t say, ‘no’ outright, I left the window open in my browser and decided to wait until a clear answer would come my way. I waited for something to let me know that ‘no you’re still not ready’ or ‘yes, now is the time’.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Each day I give the first hour of my day to God. Recently that has involved reading a chapter in a special book and meditating on the reading. Today what I read was exactly what I needed to read; it was the answer I was waiting for. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Here is what I read, “You are much larger and stronger than your fear…Fear marks the boundary between what feels safe and familiar to you and what doesn’t. Beyond that frontier there is something new which you do not yet understand or have not yet experienced. If you could look at fear in that way, you would release your judgment about it and it would even hold the potential of joy because fear promises you a new land to discover, a new place for your light to shine on. So trust fear, let it be your light!”⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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That was my sign to that it’s time – I’m ready and I'm taking that leap of faith. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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xoxo,⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Jenn⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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photo credit

09/07/2021

Why is it that when I feel the call from my soul to manifest something during this life I am met with the combination of enthusiasm and fear? In the beginning I will push aside the fear and ride the wave of enthusiasm but eventually enthusiasm wanes and fear takes over and I stop.

Jen, that longing or inspiration you feel emanating from your soul is real. Those feelings of enthusiasm and fear are also real. That fear you feel surfacing is an ancient hurt (often repeated over many lifetimes), in which you experienced rejection when you tried to express the specific qualities your soul wants you to express now. That rejection has left a trauma on your soul. That trauma needs to be healed.
The painful emotions you feel are carried by your inner child (the seat of your emotions). It takes time and patience to heal those wounds – it is your work to heal those wounds. This life your living isn’t about what you manifest in the world. It is about your healing. This healing can not be rushed. The enthusiasm you feel points you in the right direction, don’t allow it to make you feel restless – that restlessness arises because you are trying to get over your inner wounds too quickly.

Jen, rest assured that the longing to express your very own soul energy on earth always comes at a time when you are ready for a deep level of self-healing. Take your time. Going through the fear and the insecurity, facing up to them and accepting their presence, makes you all the more loving and compassionate towards others. It is imperative to understand that that all this is about *you* and not the others. Always.

xoxo,
Jenn

photo credit

06/07/2021

I’m dying. I assume so anyway. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Went to the doctor today, just the OB. My BP is starting to get high, 138/90. I’m about to turn 50 and I haven’t had a mammogram, or a colonoscopy and I don’t plan to. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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I should have those things done and I should probably see my primary doctor and have regular labs drawn. The problem(s) I have with doing that are these: 1) my insurance is through COBRA and it’s going to run out at the end of the year; there is only 1 plan available in my county through the ACA and the monthly fee is the same as my mortgage so, no, I won’t sign up for ACA (and I don’t qualify for assistance). 2) I am not afraid of dying. I am afraid of going broke trying to extend my life. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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I don’t see the point in having labs drawn, learning that I need x,y and z medications only to lose my insurance, not be able to see my doctor for follow up care and/or not be able to afford my prescriptions. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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For me, ignorance is bliss, or the least s**tty option. If I don’t know if I am ill then I can focus on the here and now which for me means focusing on my mental and spiritual health. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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I mean, this body isn’t meant to live forever anyway, right?. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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I can tell you honestly, that if I had healthcare that was actually affordable or better yet, guaranteed, I would likely make different decisions. Seeing the doctor, taking medications, etc. would not be the burden it is. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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So although I don’t look forward to dying and I expect that I will die younger than necessary, given current medical advances, I don’t want to be an old lady who has to chose between housing, food and medications. I’ll make that decision now as a relatively young lady and choose food and housing – for as long as it lasts. But I resent that I have to make this choice – it’s a s**tty thing to do to a person. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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xoxo,⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Jenn

05/07/2021

Last weekend I had a "vision", "epiphany", "revelation" (whatever you want to call it). This has happened to me before. In fact, it seems that the more I focus my time and energy on my inner/spiritual life the more often this happens and the "messages" become clearer. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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That day didn't conclude with just one 'vision'. No, I continued to receive more 'revelations' throughout the day and I typed them all out -- 3 pages worth. A lot of information about my past, my future and my children was shared with me.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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It's been a lot to process. A lot of feelings have come up for me as a result. I was deeply sad for 2 days followed by a day where I woke up very angry. On that day I was able to quiet my mind and ask for guidance which I promptly received but I felt resistance to the guidance and told my 'Self' this and then my 'Self' chuckled and said, 'listen, you asked what these feelings are all about -- I told you what they're about and what you need to do to work through them but you don't *like* my answer so you don't want to do it?' I got the hint and took the action I was encouraged to take. Instantly I was given relief from the anger & sadness. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Today I noticed I am heavy with fear. I looked at the fear with openness, love and compassion and asked what it's trying to protect me from. The guidance I've gotten is a big ask -- it's outside my wheelhouse. I feel afraid of failing (not finishing) and I'm also afraid of succeeding and the scrutiny and criticism I will open myself up to. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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I already knew where to turn for help so I reached out and emptied my soul to her -- poor girl. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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I know I can do what's being asked of me. It's gonna require a lot of work; mentally, emotionally and spiritually but I've been through worse -- this isn't going to beat me ;-)⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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I am up to the task. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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xoxo,⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Jenn

23/06/2021

The last 24 hours have challenged me on many levels by people I love the most. I experienced many painful triggers that filled me emotions I did NOT want to feel. I did not sleep well. My head was spinning, & my emotions were running the show. The interactions that triggered these painful feelings played out over and over and over in my head. I couldn’t get them to slow down let alone stop. I knew I wouldn’t be able to begin processing or healing any of this if I couldn’t identify what I was feeling so instead of trying to stop or even slow my thinking/feeling brain I let it run while I held a pen and a pad of paper. As the thoughts whizzed by I tried to pin point the underlying feeling behind it and write it down. I wrote ‘abandonment’, ‘rejection’, ‘fear’, ‘anger!’, and to a lesser extent ‘loss of control’.

I felt my body relax and my heart unclench and I knew I had made a little progress.

Next I began addressing my emotions by imagining them in the form of a little girl, my inner child. I asked my child what she was feeling. First, she told me about her fear of rejection. And I spoke to her as I would speak to my own child; I told her (me) that if others reject her (me) that says more about them and where they are that it does about her (me). I encouraged her to look at those who reject her (me) with love and compassion and to keep them in her (my) prayers. I reassured her (me) that it is OK to feel saddened by the rejection. She (I) can feel sad now and/or any time she (I) wants for as long as she needs. I told her (me) to offer love and compassion to herself (myself) too when she (I) is feeling this sadness. I also encouraged her (me) to cry. Crying can be very cleansing. There is no shame in it.

That was just the beginning. She has more to tell me.

Healing these wounds is the work.
It is my job.
It serves my soul’s highest purpose.

XO Jen

10/06/2021

My earliest memory; I'm about 18 months old. My mom is cleaning the apartment and I'm hiding under a table thinking, "maybe if I stay out of her way she'll love me more."

I was reading this past weekend and the following sentence hit me in my core: "The foundation of your thoughts, feelings and actions is a black hole, a void which can never be filled completely."

That sentence touched on my deepest pain and filled me with fear and despair. I was very afraid and yet I felt the importance of this moment and knew that I had to face it.

I started with that earliest memory and asked a question in all innocence-- Is it possible that I came into this life already believing in the core of my being that I am unlovable?

Oh s**t! That's it! That's the core pain, the inside of the onion, my deepest shame. No one did this *to me*. I did it to myself and projected it onto everyone else because I could not face the shame of it!

I look again over my life and see that it’s been a constant battle…the fight between I am good enough on my own or must I change things about myself to get others to like me?

I thought I got it from my parents. My teachers. My peers. All these years, nearly 50 of them, I believed that it was they who did not find me loveable. Sob. When all along, it was me who did not find myself loveable.

I was born into this life with this 'original wound' and there is no one to blame; it is no one's fault. In fact, I brought this wound with me so that it could be healed. Simply by facing it with innocence and love it is healed. And where there once was a girl who believed herself to be unworthy there is now a little girl inside of me dancing, twirling, enjoying her life because she knows that she is love. She is loving. She is lovable, just as she is. As she always has been.

xoxo,
Jenn

01/06/2021

"The soul has many ways to communicate to you. The soul’s favorite way is to speak to you through your intuition: quiet feeling tones, hunches, soft whispers of the heart. If it cannot reach you in that way, you will be alerted by your emotions. The emotions speak a louder language. They clearly show you that you have to look within and find out what is igniting that emotional response. Whenever you are strongly affected emotionally you need to find out why and what it means to you. If you become silent and listen carefully, the soul will tell you. If you resist or deny your emotions the soul will speak to you through your body. The body is an intelligent being, highly responsive to not just the material things (like food and liquids) you take in but to the emotions, feelings and thoughts you have. The body is meant to be a communicator. It is not a mere vessel to dwell in. It has an intelligent function to play in helping the soul express and know itself in matter."

My body was experiencing areas of diffuse pain today. I went inward, quieting my mind and thanked the pain for drawing my attention to my Self. I then asked what, if anything I should do. Instantly and clearly I understood that I needed to take a walk, slowly, in nature and just look around. I put in my ear buds, put on my moccasins and went for that walk. It was a really nice walk and I feel refreshed from it and the pain is gone. I think it's time to go within again and ask my Self if there is anything else that requires my attention today.

Love to All!

xoxo,
Jenn

23/05/2021

I don't personally know another being whose life has been so difficult and full of pain & struggle. I have spent YOUR whole life trying to protect you by preparing you for what you would face next.

You are 21 now and you say that you don't want me to prepare the way for you. I hear you and I want to give that to you. Please recognize that it is not as easy as flipping a switch. I still have this deep desire to want to protect you -- I recognize that it is my job to keep that in check so that I honor your wishes.

Please be patient with me.

I love you so much.

And I always will.

Mom

22/05/2021

Can I put into words what I feel, as the experience of raising my vibration? I don't know. As Jeshua teaches in A Course in Miracles, 'words are but symbols of symbols, twice removed from Reality'. The words I write, that you then read are colored by our own experiences making this an imperfect way to communicate. However, for now, it's all that I have.

Raising my vibration is as simple as a thought, a decision -- I want to raise my vibrational level and instantly my body, from above the crown of my head to below the soles of my feet begin to tingle. I feel a spreading out happening within me from the musculoskeletal to the cellular level. No longer do I feel contained by this body. No, I feel that I am not just *in* this body but also surrounding it much like Saturn's rings surround it & yet are a part of it.

In my minds eye my entire being radiates different shades of golden, yellow to white light -- sparkling, with particles lovingly dancing about.

I can stay in the space as long as I choose to, but that's the rub -- the decision to stay or go is always as close as my next thought. To stay in that spaciousness requires that I continue to think thoughts of Love, God, Desire, Allowance, and Surrender to Truth. It seems that unloving thoughts can arise as long as I don't indulge them -- if I merely observe them, perhaps thank them for their appearance or bring them to Divine Consciousness for interpretation and then release them with love that seems to be ok.

It seems I lose that spaciousness and return fully to my body once I either begin entertaining an unloving thought in an unloving way or simply by the choice to return, slowly, peacefully back in to this body.

I wonder if others have similar experiences and would be willing to share. It would be lovely to know how this process works for you. Is your experience similar or different from mine?

Beingjennrae

05/12/2021

04/08/2021

04/08/2021

15/07/2021

09/07/2021

06/07/2021

05/07/2021

23/06/2021

10/06/2021

01/06/2021

23/05/2021

22/05/2021

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