03/03/2026
My grandfather’s father died when my grandfather was a young child.
He was raised in desperate poverty by his mother and aunt during the great depression.
My grandfather’s favorite joke (though it was true) was:
“During the Great Depression, I wore hand-me-down underwear from my older siblings. I only had sisters.”
From those humble beginnings, my grandfather served in two wars, put himself through college, became an electrical engineer, raised a family, and retired with a healthy 401(k) and homes in Illinois and Florida.
My grandfather's story is the kind of American story we love to tell — a man who overcomes adversity through hard work and perseverance to build the life he dreamed of.
Except…that’s not the whole story
That version of my grandfather’s success is technically true.
It also leaves out so much it borders on mythology.
My grandfather was born healthy — no disabilities, no conditions that would have overwhelmed the family's already-threadbare resources.
His mother was stable, without mental illness or addiction.
She had her sister to lean on when things got desperate.
Then there's the GI Bill, which paid for his college degree. Had my grandfather been African-American, or a woman, or gay, there's a good chance he would have been denied those benefits entirely. No degree. No engineering career. No Florida home.
Change any one of those facts and the story likely ends differently — and earlier.
In fact, I could fill pages with the factors outside his control that quietly paved my grandfather’s road to success. Remove any single one, and you get a different man living a different life.
What is my point?
It’s NOT to minimize my grandfather’s hard work.
He did work his butt off to overcome poverty and build the life he did.
It is fashionable right now to choose one of two narratives and reject the other as the enemy:
• Personal responsibility – Our choices—like working hard and planning carefully—shape our future.
• Structural factors – Some people are born with advantages that make failure unlikely while others face disadvantages that make success impossible.
People argue about which is true, as if it is only one can be.
Both are true. They always have been.
Yes, personal responsibility matters.
And so do structural forces — family stability, environmental conditions, racism, sexism, homophobia, xenophobia.
The circumstances you are born into are not a minor footnote.
My grandfather worked hard and he caught breaks he didn't earn and didn't ask for.
Holding both of those things at once isn't weakness or political correctness.
It's just honesty.
Peace,
Ryan
