14/12/2023
My testimony
1st. When I was young I was into s*x, drugs and rock n roll. I would be sleeping around with Married Women, had 3 Girlfriends at a time. I didn't care. I was getting hooked on the drugs so bad that I hated the World until I got high. I found out later that these drugs were laced with Angel Dust and other things. There is a song called Fantasy that's about living a Fantasy. I truly believed that everything was a Fantasy/ dream, all my life. I quit the drugs. A Woman that I had known for a couple Years, we went out on a date, when I tried walking away, she fought for me and we are still together. Married 30 years.
2. I was having dreams of someone having Cancer and passing away from it. In my dreams it wouldn't reveal who it was. My Grandparents came to visit, I was 15 or 16 when all this took place. I gave my Grandma a hug and a kiss goodbye, a few days later or a Week we received the phone call that Grandma passed away. I started blaming myself that if I hadn't of told her I loved her, Grandma wouldn't have passed away. I carried this all my life, not wanting to say I love you because of thoughts if I did that person would die. If I did say it fear would take over that something bad would happen.
I have dreams that are real. I would be driving my car and I would feel like my head hurts the window and I would fall over. This happened a couple weeks when we received the phone call that my Cousin was in a accident. The Doctor said there was damage to the brain on the left side, the side I would feel in my vision. There is many more as I still have these dreams/visions.
3. When I was younger, I would eat alot because I exercised alot so I was always hungry. A loved one called me a pig one night, after that I would hardly eat. I would go to Families on Holidays and hide in another room because of being ashamed. I would go without at work worried about what others thought how I eat, how much.
4. I was 16 I believe and we received a phone call that My Dad was in the emergency room. He had fallen off a roof 19 feet standing straight up crushing His ankles and a couple vertebrae. I was in the emergency room with my older brother, the Nurse came in and started poking Dad with a needle. Dad said he couldn't feel nothing, as my Heart broke seeing my Dad, who always was like a hero to me saying he couldn't feel anything, I looked at my brother and as he started crying, I held mine back, told myself I needed to be strong for Mom, Sisters and Brothers.
Soon after I received another dream/vision that my Uncle was involved in a Car accident. In my dreams he didn't look right, his head was swelled. He was in an car accident, he looked as he did in my dreams. I held it all in to be strong for the Family.
5. I struggled with paying bills, seemed like we would get almost everything paid to start saving for a house and something would happen that we would have to start over.
6. My Dad passed away the age of 53 from brain tumors. Watching your Dad go from a strong person, to see him deteriorate that he couldn't speak but jabbering. I went to see Dad in the Hospital and when I walked in, Dad got excited and said, there he is. It started taking a toll on me and my siblings. I had to be strong and pull the kids together to say our goodbyes to our Dad. I was in Dads room with my Wife, Aunt in law. Dad asked where I was. I walked over to Dad, he said something but I couldn't understand. I had the Nurse give Dad a shot and he never woke up. Dad passed away that night. I was left not knowing what Dad wanted to say to me. Did I fail?
6. My Wife's mother got Alzheimer's. I had my Wife quit Her job and take care of Her Mother. We cared for my Mother-in-law until She passed away. This took a toll on us.
7. My Wife got sick after Her Mother passed away. She was in and out of the Hospital a couple times. We were tired, we needed a rescue, we needed a Savior.
I would watch my Wife Praying and I would walk away.
I had a battle going on. Our Son wanted us to go to Church and I would get Mad wanting to know why ask me to go.
I would change the Music, be listening to Christian music until I pulled up to a light. Thank I changed it to Rock as I felt i had a image to uphold. People called me Rocker because of my love for music, my long hair. My Son and I would go to Concerts together. He got Saved and told me that he couldn't go to these secular concerts anymore because he got Saved. He went to a couple more and I remember thinking about how I didn't want to be there, but it's what we did together.
There was a fight going on and I needed Jesus. I always thought I knew Jesus. Honestly I didn't know Jesus.
Finally one Friday back in 2013 I looked at my Wife, said I want to go get my Haircut. I want to go to Church with the kids. I thought I had to quit Sinning for Jesus to accept me. How can someone so beautiful love me? Sometimes we feel like an outcast, If the World wouldn't love me, why would Jesus love me. Why Jesus pay my dept. I'm a Sinner. I don't deserve this.
This is some that I walked In my life. I'm telling you because I love each of you and I understand as I walked In this. These burdens that weighed heavily on my Heart/Shoulders. Fighting to pay bills. The forgiveness. The love. Feeling like I finally belong. Understanding that Jesus would accept me as I am. Understanding what Jesus did on the Cross for each of, even though we feel like we aren't worthy. Jesus says yes you're worthy of my Grace and Salvation. Jesus says I did this for everyone.
I asked Jesus into my life. I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Saviour. I no longer carry burdens as Jesus took them all and carries them.
I can have peace and comfort when my Heart is Breaking.
The weight of forgiveness and love that poured down upon me, brought me to my knees as I started crying.
To be able to have a relationship with Jesus is amazing, a major blessings to be able to always talk to Jesus and he's always there To listen/lend a hand.
You don't have to carry these burdens. Carry this heartache.
You don't have to do drugs/drink to take away the pain/heartbreak. When you do, it's still there, when you give it to Jesus he takes it away.
Jesus will accept you now as you are. Are You tired of running/feeling alone/nobody loves or cares for You?
I love you and I want You to receive the happiness/peace/forgiveness and love that I found. As you see I had a lot, Jesus loves me and took me in the Sinner I was and am. See I will admit I make mistakes, I'm a Sinner, by Jesus Grace I am forgiven.
I would love for You to have Salvation, more importantly, Jesus will accept you now.
If you're ready, confess by mouth that Jesus died, Father rose Jesus on the 3rd Day, Jesus is Sitting on the Right hand of you Father. Ask Jesus to come into your life and be Your Lord and Saviour. Ask forgiveness for all your Sin, believing in Your heart, you will be saved.
My Prayer is that today you make this step and accept Jesus.
I love you.
