Orange Peel Gazette Of Osceola County

10/07/2026

01/07/2026

Things You Should Really Know
The fastest animal in the world is the cheetah.
The only metal that floats on water is mercury.
The most nutritious vegetable in the world is broccoli.
The animal whose heart is in its head is the shrimp.
The only bird that can fly backward is the hummingbird.
The only muscle that doesn't get tired is the heart.
The most populous country in the world is India.
The largest ocean in the world is the Pacific Ocean.
The longest river in the world is the Nile.

21/04/2026

Who Just Asked for Warm Milk?
"We have your son," said the kidnapper. "I don't have a son," says the woman. "Then who just asked for warm milk and made us cut the crust off his sandwiches?" "Oh no, you have my husband."

15/04/2026

The Angry Wife
One evening I was in a restaurant talking to my friend.
"Last night, while I was out, a burglar broke into my house."
"Did he get anything?" asked my friend.
"Yes," I said.
"A broken jaw, six teeth knocked out, and a pair of broken ribs. My wife thought it was me coming home late!"

14/04/2026

Good Neighbor
"Are you going to be using your lawn mower Saturday?"
"Yes, I will be."
"Good... so can I borrow your car then?"

13/04/2026

Generations
Daughter: Alexa, play "Let It Go."
Dad: When I was your age, I had to call a radio station, wait on hold for 30 minutes to request a song, then sit by my boom box for an hour for my song to play with a blank cassette tape so I could record it.
Daughter: I don't understand any of that.

10/04/2026

Sands of Time
A woman is walking along the beach with her children, appearing to be looking for something. At this moment, a lifeguard traipses up to them.
"Excuse me, Ma'am," he says. "I had noticed you seemed to be looking for something and wish to offer my help." "Yes, my husband is missing," the woman replies with concern. "My kids buried him in the sand, and now we can't find him." "Do you remember where you were sitting recently?" the lifeguard asks. The woman looks up at him incredulously. "Don't be silly, would you have remembered where you were sitting a year ago?"

09/04/2026

Navy Officer Cutting Through
A Navy officer was cutting through the crew's quarters of his ship one day and happened upon a sailor reading a magazine with his feet up on the small table in front of him.
"Sailor! Do you put your feet up on the furniture at home?" the officer demanded.
"No, Sir, but we don't land airplanes on the roof either."

08/04/2026

Parenting Toddlers
A friend asked what parenting toddlers is like.
So I hid her keys, headbutted her in the face, and then told her I love her more than the stars.

07/04/2026

Broken
On a visit to Boston, I noticed a parking meter with a paper sack over it upon which was written: "Broken."
A skeptical parking officer removed the bag, inserted a quarter in the meter and turned the dial. It worked perfectly.
As the officer began to write a parking ticket, the car's owner rushed out of a nearby building.
"What are you doing?" he yelled after a quick glance at the meter. "There's plenty of time left!"