22/03/2023
"Why Women Are a little bit touchy…"
Pour a glass and read this…. NOW - I know it's pre noon.
We start with bo***es.
Then, we get our periods where we bleed for 5 days but we don’t die, so along with those budding b***s, we are bloated, we get belly cramps, we got PMS, had to wear little mattresses between our legs or insert tubular, packed cotton rods in places we didn't even know we had. Just joy really.
Next was having s*x for the first time which was about as much fun as having a broom handle push your uterus through your nostrils (IF he did it right and didn't end up with his little cart before his horse), leaving us to wonder what all the fuss was about.
Then it was off to Motherhood where we learned to live on dry crackers and water for nine months then have the joy of ending up with a fu***ng spacehopper in our bellies, one that steadily kicks our innards night and day making us wonder if we were preparing to have Rosemary's Baby.
When the big moment arrives, the dam in our blessed Nether Regions invariably bursts right in the middle of Tesco and labour begins and what joy that is. We beg to die while the midwife says : "Calm down and push..Just one more good push Mrs Phnar" (more like 10), then feel the need to punch the f**k out of hubby and doctor as we attempt to push a watermelon through a hole the size of an egg cup.
After that it is puke, no sleep and then the terrible twos, threes and so it goes on.
Then come their 'Teen Years.' Enough said.
Then the kids are almost grown, we women hit our voracious s*xual prime in our early 40's - while hubby had his somewhere around his 18th birthday.
So we progress into the grand finale: 'The Menopause,' the challenge of all womanhood. We sweat like a pig in November, wash sheets and pillowcases daily and bite the head off anything that moves – mainly humans.
Now, I dare you to ask me WHY women seem to be more “spikey” than men, when men get off so easy, INCLUDING the icing on life's cake: Being able to p*e in the woods without soaking their socks...
So, while I love being a woman, 'Womanhood' would make the Great Gandhi a “tad irritable”. You think women are the 'weaker s*x?' Yeah right. Bite me!
