06/05/2026
Minus One
This is the hardest thing I have ever gone through as a mom. When you start your family, you imagine gaining oneâgoing from a family of three to four. What no one prepares you for is going from five to four. As a parent, that number is never supposed to go down.
I had a sign in our kitchen that said âEdenfield, family of five.â And that sign still haunts my mind. The physical sign is goneâI threw it in the garbage the week we lost Melina. Not out of anger. I had enough anger, but that was out of pure hurt. I couldnât see it. I couldnât feel it. I couldnât relive it every time I saw that âfive.â
The first few times going to restaurants, when I had to say âfour,â I lost my breath. I would immediately tear up, and I thought, how do I do this forever?
Initially, I couldnât see that this would ever be possible. Throwing the sign away didnât change any of the hurt, and it didnât make it any less obvious. In fact, it was right in my face this year at Melinaâs Evening of Joy. It was the first year her sisters asked to come. We made them work it, because that is important to us. This Foundation is our workâitâs how we honor Melinaâs wishes. And her sisters understand that, so working was the goal.
Iâll be honestâevery picture of four still hurts to the depth of my heart. I know she is missing. I will know that for the rest of my life. But when I see this picture from the Evening of Joy, I donât see Melina physically, but I am so proud to say that I see what I hope she would.
I see survivorsâI donât see victims. I donât see blame. I donât see anger. I see the four of us, and I see her right in the center. I see how she makes us better. I see how we hold each other a little tighter. I see how deep this love goes. I also see my familyâa family that made a choice. We choose to honor our Melina. If there is any chance my girl can see us, I donât want her to ever think, âThey fell apart because of me. My sisters struggled without me. They never found the good again.â I canât ever let Melina think she was any part of our life being âbadâ
In fact, Melina did the opposite. I will hate brain tumors for the rest of my life. I will hate the underfunding. I will hate the lack of transparency, and I will hate a broken system. But I will always be everything my Melina asked me to be. In fact, I am a better mom. I love deeper than I thought possible. I am blessed to be surrounded by people who just love us. I see the light in the smallest of places. We all do.
And when I look at this picture of four, I know physically there should be five. But I see her. I see her in our hearts. Melina changed us because she simply reminded us that even in our darkest hours, we have choices. And while my heart will always break, I know that right in those cracks is the lightâand right there is the Joy because that is Melina.đđđ
