04/02/2026
Insightful read
BEWARE OF OVER PARENTING
This article is by my young brother Steve Luyanga Kabani
Young mothers, baby mothers, diva and slay mothers and soon to be mothers let’s gather and discuss something very serious called over-parenting (helicopter parenting.)
This is that style of parenting where a parent steps in every time a child is in trouble landing like a ZAF helicopter rescuing, explaining, apologising, and negotiating peace treaties on behalf of a six-year-old.
I mean, isn’t that what parents are for? To protect?
Yes… but also no.
Here is the issue.
Every time you take the fall for your child, you deny them something very important: consequences. Consequences are life’s tools and methods through which life offers it's free lessons, no school fees required. While you walk away as a rescuer, your child walks away with no lesson learnt except one clear message: “Mummy will always fix it.”
Let’s talk examples.
If a school going child forgets his coat on a chilly Lusaka morning, after being reminded several times the natural consequence is simple, he will be cold.
If he forgets his lunch box, the consequence is hunger.
Please, ba mayo, don’t be seen hovering around the school at 12:00 hours holding a plastic with chips and chicken saying,
“Sorry teacher, Jaden forgot his food.”
Let Jaden stay hungry for one day. He will not die, the boy will survive. ZESCO may go, but Jaden will live.
What he will gain is a very powerful lesson: some things in life must never be forgotten.
Deny him this lesson today and tomorrow he will forget to show up for a job interview, he will forget to submit his quarterly work report, Yes, he might even forget to engage that young lady he has been dating for 7 years, truly he may forget to show up for his lobola negotiations.
As parents, make natural consequences your best friends. They teach lessons you cannot shout, beat, or WhatsApp into a child.
Now let’s go to school issues.
Unless it is life-threatening, don’t show up every week at school to fight classmates who are eating your child’s food, stealing pencils, or calling him names. He must learn that this world has realtime vultures, people who will reap where they did not sow.
He must learn that if he does not take care of his property, someone will grab it. Zambia is peaceful, yes but pencils still get stolen so do cars and partners.
He must also learn that bullies exist and he needs to note that they do not retire after grade 7.
They grow up and become employers, lecturers, workmates, neighbors, parents, in-laws and sometimes even church committee members.
These bullies will block your promotion, delay your graduation, scandalize you before your future spouse, threaten you over land, get you fired, deny you leave days and study leaves, block your school sponsorship.
If your child never learned how to deal with bullies because mummy was always at the headmaster’s office fighting on his behalf, he will grow into a
polite but very brittle breakable depressed adult at the stage, mummy will not be there to rescue.
When your child comes home crying, “James eats my food” or “Jane laughs at my forehead,” don’t be seen immediately landing at the headmaster's office like a black hawk helicopter.
Ask your child things like, “How does someone your age eat your food while you are awake?”
Or, “Why is Jane laughing at your forehead when she herself has two missing front teeth?”
Most importantly, teach your child how to escalate issues properly to teachers, prefects, or school authorities.
Dear mother, don’t wake up tomorrow and go to the headmaster’s office to engage Jane, a seven-year-old, and issue threats "next time I come here I will fumigate, eradicate and exterminate", Ba mayo you are out of order, tikalibo fika ku Kikonge gold mine.
Unless it is life-threatening, your job is to teach resilience, self-defence skills, anti-bullying, and anti-theft mechanisms not to fight every battle for your child.
You may be able to rescue them now, but you will not be able to rescue them forever. One day, you will pass on, and that child will remain here alone facing life's real vultures.
For society’s sake, don’t overly protect your children from reality. The world will not treat them the way you do. Teach them early that actions have consequences. That way, you can release them into the world without feeling the need to rescue them as adults.
