Professional Speech Ethics

12/29/2024

Honesty
“The term actually means consistency.
There is nothing you say that contradicts what you think or do; no thought opposes any other thought; no act belies your word; and no word lacks agreement with another. Such are the truly honest. At no level are they in conflict with themselves. Therefore it is impossible for them to be in conflict with anyone or anything.”

06/30/2024

Professional speech ethics refer to the principles and values that guide the use of language in professional settings, such as public speaking, communication, and persuasion. Some key ethical considerations include:

1. Honesty: Being truthful and transparent in your message.
2. Integrity: Being consistent in your words and actions.
3. Respect: Showing consideration for your audience's beliefs, values, and dignity.
4. Responsibility: Taking ownership of your words and their impact.
5. Fairness: Avoiding harm, bias, and discrimination in your language.
6. Confidentiality: Protecting sensitive information and privacy.
7. Accuracy: Ensuring the accuracy and reliability of your information.
8. Clarity: Communicating clearly and avoiding deception or manipulation.

These ethics are essential in professional settings, such as business, law, healthcare, and education, to maintain trust, credibility, and respect.

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06/23/2024

A woman humorously recounted how her husband would promptly follow the instructions from their car’s GPS, yet the same directions from her would often be ignored. She observed that her husband disliked her interjecting while he was driving.

So, what set apart the mechanical voice from that of his affectionate wife? She analyzed that when her husband took a wrong turn, the GPS simply pointed out the mistake and offered a corrective measure. Its tone was always calm and pleasant, devoid of any accusations of inattention or poor navigation skills.

The GPS "lady" consistently maintained an even, pleasant tone, making her directions productive, informative, and goal-oriented.

The author realized she could learn a thing or two about interpersonal communication from the GPS "lady." By eliminating impatience and frustration from her voice, she believed her words would be better received. It wasn't necessarily what she said, but how she said it, that influenced her husband’s reaction to her driving instructions.

Many people have friends with whom they love sharing good news, mainly because those friends express genuine excitement through their tone. These same friends often convey sincere concern and empathy when the news is sad. The comfort comes not just from the words, but from the empathetic tone of the speaker’s voice.

Conversely, a hostile or cold tone can negate even positive words. Picture an employee informing his boss about missing an important meeting due to a family death. The boss might say, “Oh, no problem. I’m sorry for your loss.” When said warmly and with eye contact, these words are comforting. However, if delivered in a perfunctory monotone, they suggest the boss is more annoyed by the inconvenience than concerned about the loss.

Negative emotions can't be hidden behind neutral or positive words if the tone reveals underlying feelings. A mother angrily stating, “What you did was wrong!” cannot disguise her anger, even if she uses careful, non-critical phrasing. The child senses rejection through the tone, regardless of the words used.

Tone of voice significantly impacts people. Detached and hostile tones make others feel uncomfortable, disliked, and distant. Shrill tones also provoke reactions, escalating conflicts. When people feel attacked, they fight back. When they feel addressed, they listen. But they’re not just listening to the words; they’re closely attuned to the tone.

06/18/2024

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We must all take a pause before replying to communication directed towards us, bearing in mind the relevant principles of ethical speech. To fully understand what a writer or speaker could possibly mean by their words takes a stance of believing the best of others and considering all the possibilities.
Let's commit to doing this but admit that we are only human and can only perceive so much from someone's writing. Please, let us allow for a dialogue response to give further clarity to the expression of our opinions or questions.

05/22/2024

A GESTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS

It's In Your Hands

In Practice
If I tend to use my hands to send negative messages to or about others, I will refrain from doing so and make an effort to speak directly and sincerely instead.

The Lesson:
During a meeting, Mike, a senior manager, subtly points with his left hand to his colleague, Sam, while tapping his temple with his right hand. A few exaggerated twists of his right pointer finger get the message across to his colleague, Jane, who sits next to him. They both smirk at this silent "comment," which they both understand to mean that Sam is acting irrationally.

"You implied I was crazy!" Sam confronts Mike after the meeting.

"I didn’t say one single word," Mike responds calmly. "Did I say he was crazy?" he asks Jane.

"Nope. You didn’t say one word," Jane concurs, still smirking.

"Well, several people told me that you made a gesture implying I’m crazy," Sam tries again.

"Maybe they’re all overreacting," Mike suggests triumphantly. "Because I didn’t say anything."

Until Sam clarifies with his colleagues that Mike’s insult was a gesture, not a word, he will probably remain confused. But Mike knows exactly what he did. He knows that his gesture was the equivalent of a verbal insult, understood by him, Jane, and the many colleagues who had apparently witnessed it.

Insulting gestures cause pain to those at whom they are aimed and are therefore just as harmful as spoken words. They may not seem like words, but they communicate an idea just the same. Whether one uses actual sign language or informal gestures that convey a message, their hands can speak as harmfully as their mouth can.

Hand motions can also cause distress even if they don’t have a specific verbal meaning but impart a negative feeling to others. For instance, a manager who stands close to an employee and points a finger at them, even if speaking in a relatively calm manner, makes the employee feel threatened and uneasy.

The same is true of someone who punctuates their comments with loud thumping on the table or other emphatic gestures. These motions are intended to create an effect—to manipulate others’ emotions without having to verbally voice the threat inherent in the gesture. Nevertheless, the threat is communicated. Therefore, a person who wants their message to be caring and sincere must measure not only what they say with their mouth but also what they say with their hands.

05/21/2024

WHAT'S IN A LOOK ?

How do you feel when others stare at you?

In Practice
If I catch myself starting to laugh at someone or look at them with a disdainful expression, I will remind myself, “I care about this person.”

The Lesson:
Every morning, 11-year-old Emma refused to get up for school. Her mother coaxed, nagged, warned, bribed, and often ended up driving her daughter to school in a frantic rush. One day, her mother decided to delve a bit deeper into the problem.

"Emma, I know you’re not a lazy girl," she began. "Why is it that after a perfectly good night’s sleep, you just can’t get up and make the bus?"

Reluctantly, her daughter revealed the problem. "There’s a really popular girl who sits right at the front of the bus, and whenever I get on, she stares at me. I can tell she thinks I’m weird. Then one time I got on the bus and my backpack strap got caught on something, and this girl and all her friends had these big smiles on their faces. I can’t ride that bus."

Emma’s mother might have thought that her daughter should be able to simply ignore the looks that greeted her as she boarded the bus. After all, no one was physically hurting her or even saying anything offensive to her. However, Emma’s sense of humiliation was no less painful than that which aggressive words or acts might have produced. The popular girls in the front seat had mastered the art of the wordless attack.

Condescending looks and smiles, disapproving stares, and grimaces are as powerful an expression of disdain as the words they silently express. In fact, most people read these expressions even more clearly, for they cut straight to the heart without traveling first through the intellect.

One need not be an 11-year-old to be sensitive to this type of behavior. Most people can think of someone in their lives who makes them feel distinctly uncomfortable without saying one negative word. The discomfort comes from the way the person looks at them, as if they were a specimen of some lower life-form.

Disdain is so powerful that it can actually impede a person’s emotional well-being. Many cultures and societies recognize this phenomenon very seriously. It is widely acknowledged that disdain and derision can discourage someone from standing up for themselves and progressing in their personal or professional lives.

Once a person recognizes the pain that derisive expressions cause in their own life, it is a short step to understanding that they can inflict this pain on others as well, with no more than a wry smile or a hard stare. The effect of this behavior is to drive others away, as one's expressions can easily belie kind words and even helpful deeds.

On the other hand, sincere warmth can shine through one’s eyes equally powerfully. The person who wears this expression opens their life to a world of kindness, becoming a trusted friend others can confide in, knowing that whatever they share will be met with empathy and understanding, never with derision.

05/20/2024

05/20/2024

THE SILENT TREATMENT

In Practice
If I am someone who tends to go silent when I'm angry, I will prepare a sentence or two to break the silence before it becomes hurtful.

The Lesson:
When Jake returned home from his three-day business trip, he found an unpleasant surprise waiting for him. His wife, Emma, had stopped speaking to him.

“What’s wrong?” he asked her, although he was pretty sure he knew. His return trip had been delayed by one day, causing him to miss a ceremony at their son’s school. It was an important day for their enthusiastic little boy, Max, but the delay was unavoidable.

Jake’s attempts to start a conversation with Emma went nowhere. She busied herself with household chores in stony silence.

“At least you could talk to me and say what’s on your mind,” he persisted. “Look, I bought a special present for Max to try to make up for not being there. It’s a book for him to read at home. Look, I got his name engraved on it.”

But Emma wouldn't relent. Her silent treatment continued into the evening and the next morning. Jake left for work under her silent storm cloud. By the time he came home, Emma had softened. “How was your day?” she asked casually. But now, Jake was angry; the conflict was far from over.

Silence can be a powerful, painful weapon. It conveys, “Not only am I angry, but I don’t even care enough about you to try to talk it out.”

Sometimes, people resort to silence because they are so angry that they fear they will say something they will regret. This can be, under certain circumstances, a temporary strategy for handling a volatile situation. Although the silence is painful, it may be, in this instance, less damaging than the words that would emerge otherwise.

However, even in these circumstances, one must work on calming their negative emotions and framing the situation so it can be dealt with productively. Perhaps they should use the period of silence to try to see things from the other person’s perspective.

In most cases, however, angry silence is simply another weapon, a means of hurting someone without having to take responsibility for cruel words. One should not deceive themselves into thinking that offensive silence is better than offensive speech, as both cause pain. Sometimes, the words left unsaid are more frightening to ponder than words that have been spoken.

Often, the same restraint used to maintain stony silence can be used to temper one’s anger and address the issue with directness, calmness, and respect.

05/19/2024

TALK BETWEEN COLLEAGUES

One Small Step:
Today, I will stay focused on my objectives and ask myself, "What will I accomplish by sharing this information?" before speaking.

The Lesson
The principles of constructive communication apply to all colleagues, regardless of their relationship or status within the company. It doesn't matter whether the individuals involved are senior executives or junior employees.

Furthermore, if an employee hears someone speak negatively about their manager, they should not relay this to the manager. For instance, if an employee hears a derogatory remark about their boss, they should not pass it on. While the intent might be to show loyalty, greater respect is shown by adhering to the principles of constructive communication.

It is also important to avoid speaking negatively about junior employees. Consider the following scenario to dispel a common misconception:

John's team member, Mike, is having a dispute with David's team member, Jim, during a company event, and Mike is clearly dominating the argument. Sarah, a close friend of David, happens to witness this. She believes she knows how to handle the situation.

The next time Sarah meets David, she tells him how Mike was being aggressive towards Jim. David is upset. The next time David sees Mike, he confronts him sternly and issues a threat, making it clear he means business by reprimanding Mike harshly.

Mike then tells John, who becomes furious with David. This escalates into a significant conflict, all originating from Sarah's report.

The lesson here is not that we should never inform a manager when their team member is being mistreated. Rather, it is that speaking negatively about colleagues should follow the principles of constructive communication. In this example, Sarah should first consider: "Am I sure my understanding of the incident is accurate? Perhaps Jim provoked Mike, leading him to defend himself?"

"What will I achieve by telling David about this incident? If there's a benefit, could it be achieved by discussing the matter with John instead, to avoid unnecessary conflict?" Other questions regarding the conditions for constructive communication should also be considered.

05/19/2024

Handling Phone Calls with Courtesy

In Practice
I will be mindful of how I answer the phone when I can't engage in a conversation, ensuring my tone remains pleasant and free of irritation.

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The Lesson:
With three full shopping bags on one arm and two on the other, somehow Lisa manages to reach into her pocket and answer her phone's ringtone.

On the other end was Emily, her closest friend from her old neighborhood. Emily is thrilled to hear Lisa’s voice; they hadn't spoken for several months.
“Hello?” Lisa speaks breathlessly, trying not to drop the phone, which was now squeezed between her ear and her shoulder.
“Hi, Lisa! It’s me, Emily! How ARE you?”
“Oh my goodness, Emily. I can’t talk now. I’m loaded down with bags. I gotta go.”

To Emily, it feels as if her friend opened the front door, saw her face, said hello, and then slammed the door shut. She thinks it through and understands that there was no insult meant, but still, is this how you greet a friend?

Because a person's cell phone is usually wherever they are, new telephone etiquette questions have arisen, along with a new category of potential misunderstandings. Anyone may call at any time, and not all of those times are appropriate or convenient for a conversation.
The tone of voice people often use in these situations implies that the caller should somehow know it’s an inappropriate moment for a call. When someone says, “I can’t talk right now. They’re taking my mother into surgery!” the caller feels as if they are an insensitive fool. When a person picks up and says, “I’m in the middle of a meeting,” the caller feels like a nuisance.

What can be done when a conversation is impossible, but the phone is ringing?
The simplest strategy is to let the caller leave a message and ensure to return the call as soon as possible. Most people would prefer to get a voicemail message than a rushed, preoccupied answer.

If one does pick up the call, it’s important to be careful with the words and tone used. Try to make the caller feel their contact is appreciated, even if the conversation cannot happen at that moment. It doesn't take much longer to say a few calm, explanatory sentences than it does to grumble a distracted hello and end the call abruptly.

It may seem extreme, but it is even worthwhile to rehearse the words one will say before the situation arises. For example, some professionals practice their polite responses to ensure they convey respect and understanding. Today, the tone with which we answer the phone serves the same purpose. It is a way of showing respect to others: a goal that is surely worth our best efforts.

04/12/2024

ALREADY SAID TOO MUCH BUT MORE DETAILS WITHHELD
“I Can’t Say”

In A Practical Real-life Scenario:
I will exercise the utmost caution before passing along information that might influence someone’s perception of a colleague negatively.

The Story That Serves As An Example:
Suddenly, the dynamics at Thompson’s Department Store shifted for Mark, a sales manager. At 30, relationships with coworkers were crucial, especially now that his close colleague, John, was no longer joining him for lunch.

“But WHY?” Mark asked urgently. “What happened?”

“I don’t know,” John answered quietly, “Someone mentioned something to my supervisor about your team, and I'm not allowed to say who it was. I don’t even think it’s true. But my supervisor suggested it’s better if we meet outside work instead, and I can't join you for lunch anymore.”

Mark hung up the phone and shared the news with his mentor. Both pondered the possible scenarios that could have led to this change.

“It’s horrible!” Mark exclaimed. “Someone out there is saying things about my team and I don’t know who it is. It could be anyone! It could be someone we think is our ally!”

In the situation above, John is attempting to navigate a difficult situation. By withholding the source of the negative information, he avoids causing further conflict, but at the same time, he delivers news that damages Mark’s perception of his workplace relationships. Mark now questions his colleagues’ loyalty and feels isolated, realizing his team might be seen negatively by others.

What could have been done to prevent this damage? How could John have handled the situation in a way that would not have caused Mark distress? The first issue is the acceptance of the informant’s words as fact. Accepting such information without verification can lead to unnecessary harm. Information should be treated with skepticism and verified independently.

If it turned out that there was a valid reason for John’s supervisor to caution him, this should have been communicated to Mark discreetly, without implying any rumors or undisclosed sources.

In such scenarios where no clear resolution seems available, it might be wise to consult with a human resources specialist or a trusted advisor to determine the appropriate course of action. When someone feels that their professional reputation is under attack, it poses a significant threat, as their credibility and workplace relationships are invaluable assets.

04/10/2024

Navigating Sensitivities
My brother's wife, Elizabeth, is particularly sensitive to any remarks concerning her children's shortcomings. Even a mildly critical comment about one of her children can lead to her harboring a grudge, requiring some time for her to move past the incident.
My brother's wife, Sarah, is relatively new to the family and is not aware of Elizabeth's sensitivities. During a recent family gathering, while observing the children at play, Sarah innocently mentioned to Elizabeth that her 14-year-old son seemed like a handsome mischief-maker. I noticed Elizabeth appeared taken aback by this remark and subsequently became somewhat distant towards Sarah.
Q: Is it appropriate for me to inform Sarah about Elizabeth's sensitivity, so she understands the need to perhaps be especially considerate towards Elizabeth to amend for the unintended slight?
A: Given the situation serves a constructive purpose, it is permissible to share this insight about Elizabeth's personality with Sarah, provided it's done in a respectful manner that doesn't disparage either Elizabeth or Sarah.