12/02/2020
Learn how to handle criticism and verbal lash outs (and the fear of that).
Tip #1 in this article is one thing that’ll help you to handle criticism and the fear of it.
Because sometimes it’s simply about the other person and his or her situation in life right now and not about what you did or did not do.
A few more things that help me to handle negative or critical messages are:
Wait before you reply.
Take a couple of deep breaths in a conversation or a few minutes if you’re in front of your inbox.
By doing so you’ll reduce the risk of lashing out yourself or making a mistake. Calming yourself down a bit before replying is pretty much always a good idea.
Remember: you can let it go.
You don’t have to reply to all the negative messages you may get via email, social media or in real life.
You can just say nothing, let it go and move on.
This does of course not work in every situation but it’s important to remember that you from time to time do have this option.
It’s OK to disagree.
This took me time to really get.
Because I wanted to get people to my side. To make someone see things the way I did.
But it’s also OK to simply have different opinions about things. And to leave it at that.
I found that life became lighter and simpler when I started to accept this idea and perspective.
5. Set boundaries for yourself.
If you say no to yourself, if you set a few firm boundaries for yourself then it will over time become easier to do the same towards other people too.
And these boundaries can also help you to focus better on what matters the most to you.
A couple of my daily ones that have helped me with both of those things are:
A start-time and a stop-time for work. I don’t work before 8 in the morning and my work computer is shut off – at the latest – at 7 in the evening.
Work in a no-distraction zone. I keep email notifications and messaging programs off. And my smart phone is on silent mode at the other end of our home.
Only check email once a day. Otherwise it’s easy for me to lose focus and to have too many thoughts swirling around in my mind while working.
6. Strengthen your self-esteem.
Why’s this important?
Well, with a self-esteem toolbox filled with helpful habits you’ll value yourself and therefore your time and energy more and so it’s becomes more natural to say no when you need to.
And criticism and negative words will bounce off of you more easily and often.
Plus, you’ll be less concerned about getting everyone else to like you all the time.
Because now you like and respect yourself more and your dependency upon what others may think or say drops drastically.
7. Keep your focus on what YOU want out of your life.
If you know what’s most important to you and you keep your focus on that each day then you’ll naturally start to say no and stop being so people pleasing.
Because now your energy and time is mostly focused on your needs and wants.
You’re not just drifting along anymore without a clear focus (which is great because when you lack that then it’s easy to fall into the trap of just going along with what someone else wants).
So how do you do this practically?
Well, fine-tuning what you deep down want might take some time. But a good start is this…
Step 1: Ask yourself: what’s the top 3 most important things in my life right now?
It could be your small business. Your family. Your career, health, dog, photography hobby, soccer, improving your social life or simplifying your home. Or something else.
Step 2: Create 1-3 reminders.
Write down your top 3 most important things on a small piece of paper. And put it on your bedside table so you see it first thing every morning.
You can also create 1-2 more notes with the same answers to for instance put on your fridge and in your workspace.
An effective alternative to paper notes is to use a reminder app on your smart phone (I use the free Google Keep app for my reminders every day).
These two simple steps have helped me a lot to keep my priorities straight and to remind myself of them every day so I don’t start to drift too much from what matters the most to me
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