13/10/2026
Deleting insta for 2 weeks⦠(bday snaps 2šø)
As much as I am trying my best to be strong and manage all things and trying to take care of myself & my nervous system etc
& am extremely grateful for a beautiful weekend and birthday and people in my life and it all, but I donāt feel quite right & not like a nice person right now.
there is no denying that I feel far from myself at the moment, I hate this as it feels so out of character from something Iāve felt in a long time ~ even through all grief and all challenges Iāve navigated- thereās a feeling in me now like Iāve lost a part of me that I didnāt realise how much it meant till now, it feels like something has died inside me & that spark for life is clouded
I feel that anytime someone talks & offers advice or asks if Iām okay, I want to punch them and Iām triggered by it ALOT. I need to becareful I donāt get in any fights as thatās the rage I carry at the moment, every phone call or msg Iām filled with anxiety and takes a lot for me to answer
I hate how this sounds and itās not the type of energy I want to put out there & share with others but I want to be real. I donāt know how to be helpful or of service to anyone at the moment.
Iām heading off the Lake District for a week and for the first time ever Iām literally going to delete this App for the time being and focus on me & nature. Iāve already deleted my other socials a week ago.
Any creative energy i feel Iām going to try put into art or something else thatās not content (I miss drawing!). I hope i can come back from this 2 week Instagram break more relaxed & refreshed and have something better to say than this crap & want to get back to business & what I previously loved doing before this loss
but right now - I just donāt know how & im not quite ready but letās just say I definitely will be changing how I do things going forward šš xx