25/10/2021
5 Strategies for Rebuilding Self-Integrity
By: Nick and James
Self-integrity is about being true to your values and what you stand for in life. It is shown through your actions. You may claim to have a set of values or beliefs, but if they are not reflected in your actions, then you lack self-integrity. When you say you stand for something, you do it.
This is a simple concept, but it’s not always easy. For example, you may believe that you value honesty in your life, but you allow yourself to make “white lies” all the time. While this is a small occurrence, repeated small occurrences like this one can create a lack of alignment between your values and your actions. Essentially, saying one thing and doing another. This is the fastest way to lose credibility with others and even worse, yourself.
It may not even be a conscious realization, but deep down you stop believing the things you tell yourself you are going to do. You tell yourself that you are going to start reading more, or eating better, or stop drinking, but in your head your mind is really thinking, “Yeah right. They’ve said a lot of things like this before and not followed through on it, so why would this be any different?”
Each time you don’t keep a promise to yourself or behave in some way that goes against your values you fall further out of self-integrity. You’re telling yourself it is okay to say one thing and do another, because you do it all the time. It’s become routine. And while sometimes you do need to cut yourself a break, because we all make mistakes, if this is a common occurrence it needs to be dealt with.
Here are 5 ways that you can rebuild your self-integrity and start keeping promises to yourself:
Identify and define your values. In order to know when you have fallen out of alignment with your values you must first identify them. So, make a list of the things you value in your life, what you stand for, the things you can’t live without. Examples include: love, kindness, health, compassion, respect, loyalty, contribution. Now define those values. What do they mean to you and what do they look like in application?
Be mindful of your thoughts. Your thoughts shape your actions, so it is important to become aware of when your thoughts start to lose touch with your values, because your actions are soon to follow. This is a moment by moment process and a lifelong endeavor. When you catch yourself going to Negative Town in your head tell yourself, “That’s not me” and remind yourself of your values and what you stand for.
When you say you are going to do something, do it! No matter how small the promise, it must be kept if you are to rebuild your self-integrity. If you don’t feel like you are capable of keeping a promise or commitment, then don’t make it. Be honest with yourself and what you are capable of. Build momentum with small victories, and then set your sights higher.
Commit fully and be satisfied with your effort regardless of the outcome. Sometimes the thing holding us back from keeping our promises to ourselves is the fear of failure. We fear that if we actually give our full effort and don’t succeed then we will look stupid and feel awful. However, it is much more admirable to give your full heart to something and it not work out, than give it half of your energy and then claim that you didn’t care about it anyway once you fail. Learn to commit fully and value effort over the end result and you will experience satisfaction regardless of the outcome.
Expect nothing in return. Align your actions with your values regardless of whether or not you are rewarded for your efforts. Most of the time the only reward you will receive is the satisfaction of knowing that you remained true to yourself and that is enough.
When your values are reflected in your actions your actions will lead to a meaningful life. Remaining true to your values in times when it would be much easier to stray is the goal of self-integrity. It solidifies who you are as a person and what you stand for. So, reflect on the person that you want to be and be it. Life is too short to spend it being anything other than the person that you really want to be.
