11/06/2026
Books published by Book Society of Nigeria. For more information please visit www.book-societyng.com
This book is for parents who have just received a diagnosis they did not expect, and for parents who have been carrying a private worry for months or years and are looking for a place to start.
It is also for parents who are not yet ready to accept what they are seeing. I wrote a great deal of it for them, because I was them.
Three things you should know before you begin reading.
This is not a clinical manual. It will not diagnose your child. It will not replace a developmental pediatrician, a child psychologist, an occupational therapist, a speech- language pathologist, or any of the professionals you may need to assemble around your family in the months ahead. It will help you understand what those professionals are seeing, why they are recommending what they are recommending, and how to translate their work into the rhythms of your household.
This is not a one-size guide. Autism, ADHD, ADD, and the family of conditions that fall under the broader heading of neurodivergence express themselves differently in every child. The chapters that follow describe patterns. Your child will fit some of those patterns and not others. That is not a problem with the book or with your child. It is the nature of the territory. Read with a pencil. Mark the parts that match your child. Set aside the parts that do not. Return to those parts later — sometimes a section that seemed irrelevant at age four becomes urgently relevant at age nine.
This is written from a particular place. I am Nigerian by birth and by family, American by long residence, and a father whose own household has lived through the journey this book describes. The case studies, the cultural references, and the household scenes you will read are drawn from my own life and the lives of families my wife and I have served in our medical practice and in the diaspora community we have been part of for more than two decades. If you are not Nigerian, not African, not part of a diaspora community — most of the science and most of the parenting strategies will still apply to your family. But the cultural specificity is deliberate. There is no shortage of autism and ADHD parenting books written for the general American reader. There is a real shortage of books that speak honestly to the particular households many of us are raising our children inside.
The book is organized to follow the rough emotional and practical sequence many parents move through after a diagnosis. The first three chapters address what neurodivergence is, what parents typically feel after diagnosis, and what early signs to recognize. The middle chapters address the day-to-day work — communication, the home environment, discipline, education, emotional regulation, nutrition and sleep. The closing chapters address confidence, independence, and the longer view of what neurodivergent children grow into when they are loved and supported well.
You do not have to read this book in order. If your child is in crisis right now — if there have been daily meltdowns this week, if school has called for the third time this month, if a family disagreement about discipline has reached the point of marital strain — go to the chapter you need most. The book will be here when you are ready to come back to the rest.
A note on what you will not find in this book. You will not find a single recommended therapy, a single recommended diet, a single recommended school, or a single recommended approach to medication. The reason is that I do not know your child. The right answers to all of those questions are answers that have to be worked out in conversation with the people who do — your pediatrician, your evaluator, your therapist, your child’s school team, and, increasingly as the child grows older, your child themselves. What I can offer is the framework inside which those conversations can be productive, and the perspective of a father who has been through them with his own family. The specifics, properly speaking, are yours to determine.
You will also not find, in this book, the promise that the work I am describing is going to be easy or that the outcome is guaranteed. The work is not easy. The outcomes vary. Some neurodivergent children, raised by careful parents, grow into adults whose lives surpass what their parents had imagined. Some grow into adults whose lives are good in different and quieter ways. A few continue to need significant support throughout adult life, and the parents of those children are doing some of the most sustained and meaningful parenting work in any community. There is no version of this book that can predict, for your specific child, what the next twenty years will hold. There is only the work of today, done as well as you can manage it, and trust that the cumulative weight of that work over years will produce a life that is genuinely your child’s own.
What I hope you take from these pages is this: the child you have is not the child you imagined. That difference is a loss, and it is honest to grieve it. But the child you have is also a person whose specific way of moving through the world contains gifts and possibilities that the child you imagined did not. The work of the years ahead is to learn that child — patiently, carefully, in the language they actually speak — and to build a life with them in which both their challenges and their gifts are taken seriously.
You will be tired. You will be sometimes wrong. You will, on the hardest days, want to stop. Do not stop. The parents I have known who showed up consistently for their neurodivergent children — even imperfectly, even with mistakes along the way — raised those children into adults whose lives were good. Yours can too.