03/01/2021
When someone you love has died, it's natural to __________. The end of that sentence depends greatly upon who you are.
For some, a natural inclination in response to the heavy weight of grief might be to hide under the covers. Although not facing what's happened won't make the weight you're carrying go away any faster, and refusing to live your life won't either, it's perfectly normal to feel like all of your strength has been stripped away. The way one determines to process his or her own grief is different for everyone.
For others, working, cleaning, and keeping busy seems most natural. To those people, being inactive will only make them feel worse. The point is there is no incorrect way to deal with the pain and anguish of grieving someone you love.
Although there is no right or wrong way, a happy medium may be in trying to strike a healthy balance between the two. If you haven't been able to leave your room or home since your loved one died, you might start out by taking small steps like a walk outside in the fresh air, or visiting a friend. Conversely, if you've gone to work every day, you might try taking a day off. If being in the house makes your skin crawl, try a day of outdoor activity, or taking in a movie.
Since we usually do not recognize the first time we do something which becomes a habit, we owe it to ourselves to begin somewhere. If you're the type who works out every day, maybe run a different path. If you watch the same shows every night, maybe it's time to switch the channel. Shaking things up a bit may help new ideas form, and build new pathways in your brain. If constructing new neural pathways seems right to you, there are several free videos or APPs, along with books, (see Bookmarks) to help you learn a new language. Nothing is going to distract you from one of the hardest things you'll ever go through, but if you can learn to grasp onto new things, it may help comfort you during a time when you're learning to adjust to a new normal.
We all have a sense of who we are that may get a little hazy in the wake of something as tragic as death. Now is not the time to pressure yourself with thoughts about the “right” way to handle things—especially if you've never been here before. Now is the time to grant yourself some much needed grace to process the emotions that come with the journey of grief. You may find that taking a walk, or visiting with a friend, outdoor activities, or a learning a new language is great for some, but not for you—and maybe the time is simply not right. These things can surely wait until you've found yourself.
It is important however not to make any major decisions while you're under this heavy weight, because some things that we do cannot be undone. Selling a piece of property, moving, quitting a job, or deciding to begin or end a relationship are some of the things that should be put off, if at all possible, until you're no longer visibly shaken. In light of what you're going through, those around you will understand you need some time. Whatever path you choose in dealing with your loss, please remember to be kind to yourself when you find yourself in the midst of this grieving season.
