05/17/2026
Let’s talk about it.
My husband, life partner, and best friend passed away suddenly and unexpectedly on January 1, 2025 — and I was a smoking hot mess. Nothing prepares you for that kind of loss.
I was angry. Heartbroken. I cried from my soul. My person was gone. Just gone… and never coming back.
The words people shared to comfort me were heartfelt and appreciated, but they still felt flat against the depth of my pain. In the days that followed, I truly did not want to be here anymore. I felt empty, and facing another day seemed impossible.
One night, I walked upstairs into J’s bathroom, took a bottle of his pain pills, grabbed a bottle of vodka from the bar, and placed them both on the kitchen island. I told myself, “I’ll see how I feel in the morning.”
When I woke up the next day, I said, “Not today.”
I still felt hopeless, but I wasn’t quite done. So I kept pushing through.
FINALLY, I got help.
You see, I kept waking up — even when I didn’t want to — and eventually I realized that God was not done with me. I still had a purpose. And I am still here.
I’ve learned that it’s okay to not be okay. And it’s also okay to ask for help when you’re struggling.
Now, I talk openly about my mental health journey and my grief. Part of my purpose is standing in my truth, and my hope is that I can be a beacon of light for someone — anyone — dealing with grief, loss, depression, or hopelessness.
It may sound cliché, but with help, with counseling, and with support… it does get better.
If you know someone who is struggling, please encourage them to talk to someone. That conversation could save a life.
I have no idea what tomorrow looks like because I’m taking this one day at a time. But I’m standing on faith.
I love you, J. I hope I’m making you proud. XO
