02/26/2026
“What’s Going On”
I’ve experienced quite a bit of loss in the last 17 years. After losing my brother Terry (aged 50) in 2010, I started going to the Rose Garden at Balboa Park—yellow roses were his thing—on his birthday and his “wings day,” as a memorial of sorts.
Five years later, we lost my Mom—naturally, yellow roses also became her thing after Terry’s passing—so I added her to this ritual I had established.
Music was a steadfast part of my upbringing, with music always playing, my brothers in bands, and a few of us singing in choirs. As a kid I was sure Terry would become a famous rock star.
So, listening to music while “visiting” him felt natural. The first time I went to the rose garden for Terry, I had just learned about Pandora—and without any listening history, I just played a preset song list on shuffle.
Lo and behold, it was playing song after song that fit Terry to a TEE—the artists and the lyrics. It was crazy! I knew he was there with me. No question.
Then, the first time I went to the rose garden after losing my mom, I just opened iTunes (all my music that I had converted from CDs), and put it on shuffle. An artist I hadn’t listened to in actual YEARS (Basia) played — and the song title was “Perfect Mother”… and there she was. 🥺
I haven’t been as good about going to the rose garden the past few years, but I did on Sunday—a quintessential sunny and 70 San Diego Sunday.
The garden is currently without roses in bloom—a different site to be able to see over all of the bushes that are usually towering over me with their rainbow of colors.
And, with my earbuds in and music on, of course, the first song that comes on (a Teddy Swims mix—this time on Spotify) is his version of Marvin Gay’s “What’s Going On” (released the year I was born). First I hear “Mother, mother, there’s too many of you crying”… followed by “Brother, brother, brother, there’s too many of you dying.”
Now, I realize the context of the song is different, but… woah.
And then, as I listened to the rest of the lyrics (we forget to do that, right?)… it struck me this song is very much an anthem for what our country is going through now. Not exactly what Marvin was writing about, but… similar enough.
I believe in signs. And this day was a reminder that the signs are always there - sometimes we need to pay closer attention. Those we’ve lost are always with us.
And... “For only love can conquer hate.” INDEED.
All the lyrics - first comment.
