03/09/2021
I have a story for you. A few years ago, the indomitable, powerful and radiant .tennant asked me if I would model for her jewelry brand, .
I laughed and said 'thanks, but no.' I would die. I would be SO uncomfortable. But Sylv, and our mutual friend , persisted until I agreed. To their credit, they did it out of love. I'm sure they could have easily found someone to stand in (Zaleska has a borderline cult following), but they knew I needed this. That it would be good for me.
So I went, and I was the most rigid and uncomfortable and awkward human to ever be in front of the camera. Bless Sylvia, Roco, and the ever talented for their patience, their cheerleading, and their support. They let me feel uncomfortable but told me I was beautiful. They let me be awkward, but told me I had nailed it. It is SO corny, but so true to say that every minute that passed, I felt better and better about being there. I felt better about me.
So much so that towards the end, I even SUGGESTED I get my b***s out for a photo of my wave tattoo (with my number 1 cheerleader ). Can you even image? Who was I?
Rebecca delivered the photos, and to no one's surprise, they were gorgeous. But when it came to actually posting them to our feed, per my promise to Sylv, I just couldn't. I'd lost that wave I was riding. I felt insecure and it felt vain, and I just couldn't do it. I'm a fairly confident person, but without that group of womxn cheering me on, I lost my mojo.
So here we are today. I'm about 30lbs heavier than I was (THANKS PANDEMIC) but I'm slooooowly trying to be good with where I'm at. International Women's Day is SO much more than celebrating our beauty, but for me, that's where I've fallen short in the past: celebrating myself. Celebrating that even though I don't fit into a mold or the standard, I'm good. Just as me. Celebrating a moment where other brilliant, kind and gorgeous womxn propped me up and told me I was perfect just the way I was... even if I wasn't ready to do it myself.
Anyways, two key take aways:
1. It’s chill to feel yourself. It's okay to feel gorgeous and share that. It's also okay to not feel quite okay yet. To not be ready to bare it all or push out of your comfort zone. The only thing that is not okay is tearing other womxn down.
2. Find womxn that lift you up and support you. Find womxn that make you feel better about yourself, not worse. They are out there, and they make a world of difference.
PS SORRY IT TOOK ME 900 YEARS TO POST THESE SYLV. All pretty things:
All photos: