31/08/2012
In relationships people hurt each other's feelings. Either intentionally or not. But it happens and creates conflict, either in one, or both people.
The key to get over this hurdle, is not to pretend that nothing happened and then pout or give your partner the “silent treatment”. These are counter-productive and will not help to restore harmony.
If you can forgive the person right away, great. If not, you will need to follow these steps to get to the point where you can forgive.
1. Take time to think through why you were hurt.
2. Speak to your partner. Be open and say: “I was hurt/upset when you said... What did you mean/Why did you do …?”
3. Get an explanation and then explain why it hurt your feelings.
4. At this point you will probably hear an apology or be attacked.
5. If you hear an apology it will be easy to forgive. Say: “Thanks. I appreciate the apology and I forgive you.”
6. If you are attacked, you need to ask: “Why are you attacking me?”
7. Work through it by listing to each other and acknowledging each person's point of view, so that you can resolve the conflict on both sides.
8. Apologize and forgive each other.
9. Re-affirm your love for each other by saying something like: “I really love you and I'm glad we can talk about things and work them out”
Forgiving is not always easy, but getting to the point where you can forgive each other is essential if you want a healthy relationship.
NB:
It is not a good idea to simply forgive everything without talking about it. If you are afraid to talk about the things your partner does that upset you, you need to get professional help to overcome your fear or you are being smothered, controlled or dominated by your partner and your relationship will break down at some point. Get the perspective of a professional to prevent future relationship trauma.
Keep seeking to develop healthy relationships!
