24/04/2026
MAN,56, DIES AFTER A "SHORT TIME" ROUND OF PLEASURE.
In what can only be described as a “mission accomplished… permanently” situation, a 56-year-old businessman in Kitwe reportedly kicked the bucket immediately after a late-night romantic escapade in Bulangililo Township.
Yes, you read that right — the man didn’t just give it his all… he gave it his everything.
According to Copperbelt Police Commissioner Mwala Yuyi, the incident unfolded in the early hours of the morning, around 02:00 hours
— a time when most people are either deep asleep or making questionable life decisions.
Unfortunately, this case leaned heavily toward the latter.
The now-deceased, Geoffrey Mulenga, had reportedly spent the night warming up (and by warming up, we mean drinking beer like a man preparing for the Olympics of poor decisions) at BM Bar with his girlfriend and friends.
Feeling bold, energized, and perhaps a little too inspired, Mr. Mulenga later hired a taxi to es**rt his 26-year-old girlfriend, Sharon Mwila, home.
So far, nothing unusual — just a gentleman ensuring his lady gets home safely… but the story continues....
Upon arrival, instead of calling it a night like responsible citizens, the two reportedly made a strategic detour to an outdoor toilet structure — because apparently, romance doesn’t always require candlelight… sometimes just courage, bad smell and poor lighting.
Moments later, after what can only be described as a high-risk, low-oxygen activity, Mr. Mulenga suddenly collapsed.
Just like that — no warning, no halftime break, no second round.
Police officers and scenes-of-crime personnel later found the body lying flat on the ground, as if he had just completed the most intense workout of his life… and decided never to stand up again.
Authorities confirmed that there were no visible injuries, leaving many to conclude that the man simply overdelivered on expectations.
The body has since been taken to Kitwe Teaching Hospital, where a post-mortem will determine the exact cause of death — though the situation has already taught the public a valuable lesson:
Know your limits. Not every match needs extra time.
Police have opened an inquiry, while residents are left shaking their heads and quietly updating their personal fitness goals.
May his soul rest in peace — a man who truly went out doing what many only dream of… just perhaps a bit too enthusiastically.
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